Day eightyfour.....

Alone We Stand, Alone We Fall

"Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better"

The words of Black Flag lead, Henry Rollins. And words that this one man with only cheese as his counterpart can understand well. This is not saying I shun away from society. Only a lonely man could truly enjoy a beer, some cheese and black flag in a luxuriously warm bath in an unluxoriously cold house. I stumbled upon this poem by Dan Anderson whilst drying from bathing.

"The Lonely Cheese
I'm a lonely piece of Gouda
the last one on the plate
I arrived with many others but
the others you have ate

I'm a lonely piece of Gouda and
I'm begging to you please
eat me up, don't let me waste
I'm a tasty chunk'a'cheese

Yes I'm a semi-soft Gouda
and not some spreadable slacker
and I hope you eat me soon Sir,
before you finish the final cracker"

It made me realise how selfish I have become. In the 84 days it has been about me. What cheese I found, what cheese I ate, what cheese I manipulated to fit this very loose narrative. I forgot about the one I loved, what was going through the mind of the cheese.

Ohhh the tragedy.

"And she cannot tolerate my lactose."

A tear fell, followed by several more. Had this been written in days of yore a inky puddle would have appeared, a word smudged to show my emotion, but alas the tears fall onto the keyboard. Only the customer service desk at PC world will share my pain, and exasperate it by charging me to fix the salted keys. We are all truly here on our own...

Day eightythree...

Rennet

What is makes cheese vegetarian?

"Well is kinda doesn't have the rennet in it. Depends whether there has been, um, if there has been an animal process in it. Animal fats or something in there, and if you get a vegetarian cheese it doesn't have any of that in it at all. So the rennet, sometimes they wrap it in these sort of cheeses from European type cheeses they can wrap it in a bit of rennet to intensify the flavour"

Well don't believe everything you see on TV. This was Ainsley Harriott's attempt to describe rennet. What's wrong with just saying, I'm not certain...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006v85g

Fast forward to 4:00 for a beautiful explanation.

This may seem a bit smug. But I don't mean to be. I'm not making light of his lack of knowledge but I don't see why he has to lie. It isn't vitally important but he is so brash about it he must be outed. Mmmmm I love that rennet wrapped cheese.

That is an exaggeration. Rennet is actually just a group of enzymes that are naturally produced in a cows (or any other mammalians) stomach. It is used to separate (coagulate) cheese into curds and whey. This is why it isn't vegetarian. It is extracted from young calves that are being breed for their veal.

Sorry if this has put you off your cheese and pickle sandwich grinding in your mouth. However most widely produced cheese these days is produced using a genetically engineered rennet. Produced by the fungus of the aspergillus niger.

But why did we delve straight to the stomach of the cow?

"As when fig-juice is added to white milk and rapidly coagulates the liquid,
and the milk curdles as it is stirred, so speedy was his healing of raging Ares."

This passage is from Homers epic Greek poem The Iliad. Of course this was written in the 8th or 9th century so why not make cheese this way. Then instead of the above nauseating stomachs above, we would have a similar but not as gruesome object hanging...

Day eightytwo....

Norn Iron

Northern Ireland. Homeland of 1.7million people. A football team lying 40th in the FIFA World Rankings. History of failed ship making. Maker of cheese. It makes sense. Although this has not always been the case. Most of the fine cattle in Northern Ireland is used for beef. We love it. But now a few of the big creameries are producing cheese and lots of it.

Some people could argue that this should fall into cheesart, but unless the sculptures are purposely abstract that shan't be the case. Maybe I am being short sighted and like surrealist Rene Magritte's 1923 Self-Portrait, the above sculptures follow his example.

But God loves a trier....

Day eightyone...

Since My Baby Left Me

I have talked a lot on this blog about the new art movement of the 21st century. Cheesart. Many of the current cheeartists may not be appreciated in their time but they do this not for the money. They do it not for the glory. They do it for their love of cheese. And now its time for another future cheesart classic. Rather than the classic sculptures it has now developed to the collage.

This piece has been made using cheese puffs. This is a snack invented by the US of A in the 1930s. They are puffed corn snacks that have a cheese mixture inside and coated in a cheese powder on the inside. Beautiful stuff. Who thought such primitive tools could produce such a beautiful body of work. "O great creator of being grant us one more hour to perform our art and perfect our lives"

These the words of another great artist. In day 54 his words are used in a cheese advert so his affiliation is strong. I wonder what he would think of cheesart if the great man was still with us...

Day eighty....

Those Tired Eyes Behind That Grinning Smile

"She'll come, she'll go. She'll lay belief on you"

A fictional smile. I feel this song is about love. Loving a woman when you know she'll just use you. And what's wrong with that. The smile of the Cheshire Cat. The Cheshire Cat's smile is the smile of a trickster. The mentioning of the Cheshire Cat is popular culture dates back to a book I mentioned in day 17, "The Dictionary of The Vulgar Tongue".

"CHESHIRE CAT. He grins like a Cheshire cat;
said of any one who shows his teeth and gums in laughing."

This was a slang term used by many people of the region. Many believe it is derived from the cat-like gargoyles on the 12th and 13th century buildings around the Cheshire villages. But the Cheshire Cat was immortalised in Alice and Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.

Carroll was influenced heavily by tales of Cheshire cheese being mad in cat shaped molds. You would begin eating the cheese at the tale and the last bit to be eaten was the smile of the cat.

"Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in all my life!"

Cheshire cheese is the oldest named English cheese and can even be found in the doomsday book of 1086.

It is a salty crumbly cheese, which makes sense as Cheshire is long linked with salt production. 6,500 tonnes of it is sold around the UK today making it the choosy cheese choosers choice.

Day seventynine....

Say Cheese

If for any reason this blog gets bought by a big TV executive and made into a 1980s sitcom my only request is that this is used as the opening sequence.

However not only is this a delightful snippet of years gone by, it raises a good question. Why do we say cheese before getting our souls stolen, I mean our pictures taken. Well nobody knows exactly where its came about from, but it is thought when smiling for portraits became fashionable in the 20th century, the studios and photographers needed assistance to help their subjects smile. Also with the improvement of dental health and Kodak developing a cheap camera that many families could use everyone was dying for that perfect smile.


When you elongate the word cheese out the corners of you mouth raise, your cheeks lift and you sneak out a bit of denture, the perfect smile. But why not disease, or trees or fleas? Nobody knows. But again it is changing, in some London studios instead of saying "cheese" the subjects are asked to say "prunes" to give them a tight lipped pout, making them look like they have got some attitude.

So now as you know its not vital to say cheese why not the next time some one is taking for photo be more adventurous with your smile word. If your getting you photo taken in jail maybe try "escapees". Or maybe asthmatics could go "wheeze", like they usually do. Or maybe if you are being sent back to your own country lighten the mood of your photo by yelling "deportees". Weather men could holla "light breeze". Perhaps you are a pirate and just enjoying your latest raid why not but on that bling and pose for a photo and proclaim "freedom of the seas". Any more?

Day seventyeight....

Happy Pancake Day

"Well its 'Happy Pancake Day'
All Across the western world,
See me and my girl,
Kissing in the kitchen,
Kissing in the kitchen,
Kissing by the stove,
Push me up against the fridge girl,
I can't stand to eat alone.
So now I'm hungry, now I'm thirsty,
Now I'm craving just a little more.
Pile my plate up to the ceiling,
Kissing in the kitchen.
I can't stand to eat alone,
I can't stand to eat alone,
I can't stand to eat alone,
I can't stand to eat alone."

Yes it's pancake tuesday. And the above words are from the genius of David Tattersall from one of the greatest and underrated bands about, The Wave Pictures.

But whilst we are all going on about eating pancakes people forget that it is the dawn of lent. This is a period of roughly 40 days in which Christians prepare for Holy Week. Mostly people now just link it to giving up something for 40 days and nights. I was considing giving up cheese but after reading this I feel it is too dangerous to go cold turkey.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/article4538527.ece

"Food triggers “pleasure” chemicals

Scientists have identified that pleasurable sensations stimulated by food share common pathways in our brains to those triggered by drugs. For example, there are similarities in the way we release the “pleasure” chemical dopamine at the thought of a food we love to the way an addict's brain reacts when he or she thinks of his or her drug of choice."

Drug of choice, surely that contradicts with the fact its the "addict's" brain, as they are addicted they have no choice? Here are some choices....

"Drugs are for mugs, Whilst dont forget to refuse the booze, Stay in school."