Homeopathy Apathy?

You wake up. Look out the window. Grey. You go to the bathroom and see a pale version of your former self staring back at you. You haven't been abusing your body with the usual concoction of cheap booze and expensive second hand smoking. But you still have this throbbing in the deep of your throat. So what do you do, straight and grab the Covonia?

FOOL!!! Look at how the cheap advertising has lured you into this rash self harming decision. What is wrong with the good old homoeopathic remedies of days gone by? Sure people used to live to the tender age of 56 back then. If its good enough for them its good enough for me!

Homoeopathy has been kicking around since 1796 when a German by the name Samuel Hahnemann put foreward the idea to treat ill patients with a diluted sustance that would give the ill effects to a healthy patient. Hmmmm maybe a home remedy might be better for that sore throat then....

So the pain of the sore throat has you paralyised. You cant bare to venture out in the grey surely there must be something in the house you can use to you own advantage. So you pull open the fridge and its there staring straight at you in all its cheeesy glory. Cottage cheese!

Yes for many a year people have been using this to clear a sore throat. So here how it goes down. You make a cottage cheese poultice. You do this by getting some cottage cheese spreading it on a cloth and heating it with a hair dyer. Then wrap this cloth around your throat. Leave for 3-4hrs and hey presto sore throat is gone. Or is it??? Id prefer a we gurle in the bathroom...

Cracking Up

Last night I ventured into the depths of the past for a gig in Sheffield. It was in a venue called skate central. I thought, oh a nice we throw back to times of yore, bubblegum, slush puppies and hotdawgs, old LED scoreboard, the blood of a grazed knee on the floor, but essentially now converted into a music venue.

But when I arrived and entered up the marble stairs a pair of skates were thrust apont me. Several nerve calming drinks later and I can say I could imagine myself to be as smooth as these boys....

Even to glide like this guy would have been acceptable....

But no doubt this is who I was aspiring to be....

Mother Goose

"Old Mother Goose,

When she wanted to wander,
Would ride through the air
On a very fine gander.

Jack's mother came in,

And caught the goose soon,

And mounting its back,

Flew up to the moon"

Ma, mum, mother dearest, mama, mummy, mom. Whatever the name the beast remains the same. The bond from mother to son is one of the strongest history has seen. It is a theme explored from as far back as ancient Greek mythology. However due to a certain Mr Freud naming a complex, relating to a child's unconscious desire for his mother and resentment or jealously of his father, after Oedipus, people believe that Oedipus felt this bond also. When in fact Oedipus' parents, Jocasta and Laius, never intended to encounter their son. After hearing from the Oracle that their first born male would kill his father and marry the mother they did what any parents would do. They bound him by the ankles and asked a servant to dispose of him.

Of course the servant couldn't carry this through and off loaded him to a shepherd in a near by town. Life is good for Oedipus until a drunk tells him that his "da" ain't his da. So he goes to his local Oracle who doesn't tell him who his real father is but informs him of the prophecy.

Afraid of fulfilling the prophecy he runs away to the nearest town, which just happens to be his birth place Thebes. On his journey he comes to a point where 3 roads meet and encounters a Chariot driven by, unbeknown to him, his birth father, King Laius. So in a fit of road rage Oedipus slays his dad over who has right of the road. Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same.

Continuing on towards Thebes he came in contact with Sphinx, who would stop all those who traveled to Thebes and ask them a riddle.

"What walks on four feet in the morning, two in the afternoon and three at night?"

Oedipus answered correctly. Can you? The Sphinx is astounded and inexplicably kills itself, freeing Thebes. In turn this earns him the recently widowed Jocasta's hand in marriage, completing the prophecy. The rest is your usually Monday night soap affair. Mythical kings eh?

There is an old Spanish proverb that reads:

"An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy"

If this be true then this New Yorker is worth a few Monasteries. Daniel Angerer has posted up a recipe for breast milk cheese. Unsettlingly called Mommy's milk cheese. It was interesting to see that the same rules and procedure still apply. Interesting to note that it would have different tastes depending on the diet of his wife at the time. This is surely a new market. With the limited types of feed you can give to a goat/cow/sheep it can be hard to find new unique tastes, but with the female they have a multitude of options to alter the taste of the milk. and inturn the taste of the cheese. Do women ever cease to amaze?

Day Zero

In the beginning was the Fermentation

Today I embarked on a new path. From the humble surroundings of Belfasts finest family run delicatessens to a new world filled with fermentation. I enrolled today at the School of Artisan Food...

"I have changed my name so often,
I've lost my wife and children"

The school is nestled away in the corner of the Welbeck Estate. Home to thousands of acres of farm, forest and fields peppered with imposing stone buildings. Also on the estate is the impressive Welbeck Abbey. A Monastery that dates back to 1143. And how things have changed in a mere 900 years. The premonstratensian order that originated in Germany were believers in strict self denial. How they could manage that with the smell of baking bread to compliment the Stichelton made just down the road. They were known as the white monks.

And here is a sneak peak of further things to come. Rough ladies and gentle men I give you. Stichelton...

Day onehundredandthirtynine.....

And On The 39th Day He Rose Again

Like a phoenix from the flames, Thomswoon has risen from cutting floor of the fromagerie. And how the world has changed in those 39days. But why wait 39days. Does that make me 13times less of a being as Jesus? Or maybe more, or perhaps I was on a trip?

http://news.discovery.com/space/mars-rocket-vasimr-nasa.html

Cheese will not stop for any man. Cuisine is forever changing. Throughout the ages, different cultures have banqueted in many different ways.


But now thanks to a wise aunt of mine I have seen the future of dining...

Cheese Restaurants

All the menu sounding pongingly delicious however I did stumble across one anomaly. L'Assiette de l'Etable. It is described in the article as.

"An assortment of three cheeses on toast, served with lettuce and cooked sliced ham."

Aye, cheese and ham toastie? But fear not many a dish even for the concerned vegetarian.

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants"

The words of comedian Whitney Brown. I wonder if that's why some people are carnivores?

Day nintynine....

This Is The End

This is the last post, for the time being that I shall make. The end is nigh. It was written that on the 100th day the world would stop, cheese would cease to be, turning to dust. Every animals milk would dry up and the rivers of dairy will end. So I will make the final pilgrimage to Dalston, to worship our leader. The one whom we strove to improve ourselves with for the past 100days. Together we will all stand when the sands of time run out.

"Don't leave me, it is necessary to forget everything you need to forget,
which is already over.Forget the times of the misunderstandings, the lost time,
to know how to forget the hours, which sometimes kill,the reasons why, the heart full of joy.

Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me

I offer you pearls of rain, coming fro countries where is never rains,
I will cross the world until after my death,
for to cover your body with gold and bright light,
I will give you a kingdom where love will be the king,
Where love will be the law
and where you will be queen.
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me."

Thomswoon could no longer take it anymore. A knife through his heart of cheese. Mouth stuffed with Baby Belle. He could no longer bare the sight from his window. He would rather have died looking at cheese than live and see merely cheese once every now and again. And his final message scrolled across his chest in squeeze cheese, the end.........

Day nintyeight....

What's In A Name

"For a moment she rediscovered the purpose of her life.
She was here on earth to grasp the meaning of its wild enchantment,
and to call each thing by its right name.
By its right name."

This is a quote from Dr Zhivago and is later recalled in a film called Into The Wild. A beautiful film it is. Based on a true story about Chrispoher McCandless, he shuns society, gives all his college money to Oxfam, leaves his comfortable middle class life, and after 2 years hitching around USA ends up as far away from society as possible living in an unused bus in the Alaskan wilderness. But it isn't until he is reading this passage that he realises that his happiness is not in the beauty of the world but the relationship with the people he met as he explored it. But it is too late he knows that he will die and writes through this passage...

"Happiness is only real when it is shared."

And how true this is. For the past 98 days it has been onemanandhischeese, Thomswoon. Am I doomed to be trapped in this blog.

"Happiness is only real when it is shared."

Tis only too true and I am only too lucky to have had many friends around to help contribute ideas when my mind was lacking. My better half Raymona Crozier, a Mexican with one of the finest minds Mr Tony Moore, the only other person who appreciates the female form more than myself Jemima Cartin and nighthawk, ChatRoulette harlequin Rosemary Kirton. I thank you all. But that's enough of all this "cheesiness" time for the hard hitting headlines...

"Teen Pleads Guilty To Hiring Hit Man To Steal Block Of Cheese"

What fine cheese must this be? Caciocavallo Podolico perhaps? A cheese made in Italy and costs the same per lb as silver. Well no its not that. Maybe is Mouse House cheese in Bjursholm? Costing $500 per lb? No in fact it was Queso Fresco.

Jessica Sandy Booth mistook this cheese for a block of cocaine. The homemaking of Queso Fresco is quite common with Hispanics as it is seen as safer, due to TB outbreaks linked with the raw milk. So she mistook at this home cheese making as a cocaine production line. She then compounded this mistake by hiring an undercover police man to steal the cheese and kill the four men in the house. The worst case of mistaken identity since this unfortunate incident.