Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Day nintynine....

This Is The End

This is the last post, for the time being that I shall make. The end is nigh. It was written that on the 100th day the world would stop, cheese would cease to be, turning to dust. Every animals milk would dry up and the rivers of dairy will end. So I will make the final pilgrimage to Dalston, to worship our leader. The one whom we strove to improve ourselves with for the past 100days. Together we will all stand when the sands of time run out.

"Don't leave me, it is necessary to forget everything you need to forget,
which is already over.Forget the times of the misunderstandings, the lost time,
to know how to forget the hours, which sometimes kill,the reasons why, the heart full of joy.

Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me

I offer you pearls of rain, coming fro countries where is never rains,
I will cross the world until after my death,
for to cover your body with gold and bright light,
I will give you a kingdom where love will be the king,
Where love will be the law
and where you will be queen.
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me
Don't leave me."

Thomswoon could no longer take it anymore. A knife through his heart of cheese. Mouth stuffed with Baby Belle. He could no longer bare the sight from his window. He would rather have died looking at cheese than live and see merely cheese once every now and again. And his final message scrolled across his chest in squeeze cheese, the end.........

Monday, 8 March 2010

Day nintyeight....

What's In A Name

"For a moment she rediscovered the purpose of her life.
She was here on earth to grasp the meaning of its wild enchantment,
and to call each thing by its right name.
By its right name."

This is a quote from Dr Zhivago and is later recalled in a film called Into The Wild. A beautiful film it is. Based on a true story about Chrispoher McCandless, he shuns society, gives all his college money to Oxfam, leaves his comfortable middle class life, and after 2 years hitching around USA ends up as far away from society as possible living in an unused bus in the Alaskan wilderness. But it isn't until he is reading this passage that he realises that his happiness is not in the beauty of the world but the relationship with the people he met as he explored it. But it is too late he knows that he will die and writes through this passage...

"Happiness is only real when it is shared."

And how true this is. For the past 98 days it has been onemanandhischeese, Thomswoon. Am I doomed to be trapped in this blog.

"Happiness is only real when it is shared."

Tis only too true and I am only too lucky to have had many friends around to help contribute ideas when my mind was lacking. My better half Raymona Crozier, a Mexican with one of the finest minds Mr Tony Moore, the only other person who appreciates the female form more than myself Jemima Cartin and nighthawk, ChatRoulette harlequin Rosemary Kirton. I thank you all. But that's enough of all this "cheesiness" time for the hard hitting headlines...

"Teen Pleads Guilty To Hiring Hit Man To Steal Block Of Cheese"

What fine cheese must this be? Caciocavallo Podolico perhaps? A cheese made in Italy and costs the same per lb as silver. Well no its not that. Maybe is Mouse House cheese in Bjursholm? Costing $500 per lb? No in fact it was Queso Fresco.

Jessica Sandy Booth mistook this cheese for a block of cocaine. The homemaking of Queso Fresco is quite common with Hispanics as it is seen as safer, due to TB outbreaks linked with the raw milk. So she mistook at this home cheese making as a cocaine production line. She then compounded this mistake by hiring an undercover police man to steal the cheese and kill the four men in the house. The worst case of mistaken identity since this unfortunate incident.

Saturday, 6 March 2010

Day nintysix....

What Next?

"My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there."

This quote is from inventor Charles F Kettering. He was head of research for general motors and would have bestowed this knowledge around the early 1900s. It must have been a very exciting time and look at the change 100 years has made.

This is an image of Belfast's Vitoria Square taken around 1910. And here it is 100 years on.

But today nostalgia seems to have over taken our desire to look to the future. Which is surprising as the future has never been so exciting with nanotechnology the world is our oyster, even being able to replicate conditions of how the world was created. But many arts, fashion and media look back to the "good old days" but not these boys...

These are the good old days but what was I talking about....

But where does cheese belong in the future? There are again two major camps on this. The artisan cheese makers, who want to bring cheese back to the singular farms and use traditional methods. And then there are these people...


This is an article about a study into using cryogenics in the cooling of the cheese curd. Cryogenic cheese?

So do we embrace the traditional, tried and trusted methods? They must be the best as they have lasted for many a moon?

But don't be afraid of the future. For tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.

Friday, 5 March 2010

Day nintyfive....

Ice Cream Man, Ring Your Bell

"Clickin' by your house about two forty-five
With a sidewalk sundae strawberry surprise,
I got a cherry popsicle right on time
A big stick, mamma, that'll blow your mind"

When most people think of ice cream I'm sure they conjure up such picturesque images of a summers walk through a park, as the sun begins to lower in the sky, it's cooling after a baking day and the ice cream can be enjoyed without dripping down over the grasping hand. Sweet flavours. Strawberry, bubblegum, mint choc chip, rum n raisin. But what's this... Fromaggio Gelato? Cheese Ice Cream? Yes don't let your eyes deceive you. And after thinking about it I suppose it makes sense. Cheese is made from milk and cream. Heres is a recipe...


When first invented in 500Ad in China, they would serve ice cream with saffron and vermicelli. Again sounding strange but the Asian use of vermicelli is not like the dried pasta variety you would find in the shop, it is more akin to a rice pudding.

What would King Tang of Shang think? He was the first king of the Shang dinasty, and it was he who commanded 94 to make a frozen dish using buffalo milk and flour. Think of his face as you suckle upon that icy treat, and thank him for his foresight.

Thursday, 4 March 2010

Day nintyfour....

From Cheddar With Love

It has been a long and arduous week. The past 90 days had caught up with me. My brian numbed (yes I meant brian, tis a joke referencing my tiredom), and I was cheesed out. I stared at the black screen ahead of me. Nothing could live up to the reasonably low standards I had been churning out, that's how low it went. With the finish line in sight I seemed to give up. A bit like the story of the tortoise and the man.

(Watch it all as it is one of the best TV shows ever made, but for this reference skip to 18:58)

But then in my mailbox today I did receive, a message, a sign, a gift. Go forth and complete the 100days, stop being so lazy, I know "15 storeys high" by Sean Lock is a great show but really 2 series in a few days, think of the cheese. This was the gift....

A program from the comedian Richard Herring's latest show "Hilter Moustache", in which he is trying to reclaim the swastika(refer to day33 for onemanandhischeese's efforts) and also the comedians toothbrush moustache. It was signed "Michael, you cheesy c***. I like Cheddar." And I realised I have only flited with the worlds most popular cheese. Mr Herring himself is from Cheddar, Somerset. And for you who have never visited here is a brief synopsis of the way of the world in Cheddar.


Cheddar cheeses first record of being used in UK was in one of King Henry ii banquets were he purchased 10, 000 lbs. But the favourite cheese of the English isn't exactly, well English. The recipe is from a French cheese Cantal. But after a few minor adjustments it is now the worlds most popular cheese. This is mainly through the fact that Cheddar doesn't have a PDO, a protected designation of origin, so any thing hard and yellow is usually called Cheddar. Whereas traditionalyl it was only cheese made within 30 miles of Well Cathedral that could claim this. I can imagine the people of Somerset singing this next tune, shouting out about the world stealing the traditional methods of making Cheddar and exploiting their heritage.