Sunday, 28 February 2010

Day ninty....

Fromage De Santa

"Go often to the house of thy friend; for weeds soon choke up the unused path."
This is an ancient Scandinavian proverb. Its roots lie with the original makers of Lapland Cheese.

The packaging is very modern for such a traditional cheese. Lapland Cheese is one of the oldest cheeses in Finland. It is mainly produced in the summer due to the high milk production. The fresh farm milk was warmed up in the big kettle, few drops of rennet added and after the coagulation the cheese mass was stirred and loosely pressed. The pressed cheese was baked next to an open fire until the surface of this ‘’bread’’ was brown spotted. The baking board was very special, a wooden disc with base. Traditional surface treatment of the Lapland Cheese by open fire improved the quality and killed the bacteria which cause taste defects.

This above picture is not the first thought of mine when I hear Lapland. Many a night wandering through the back streets in soho I often walked past a neon sign reading Lapland. It must have been the UK distribution centre for the cheese. Staff all seemed very friendly trying to entice me in. They must have been followers and knew Thomswoons face.

Saturday, 27 February 2010

Day eightynine....

In The Dark

Fed up of running out of your favourite fromage delight in the small hours of the morning and you need that sweet nutty hit to get rid of the sweats so you can get hours of peace and nightmares? Just me then? But why not make your own homemade cheese cave.

Not exactly like this. Back in days of yore caves were perfect for maturing cheese in due to the consistent humidity. But now you can replicate this. All you need is an old refrigerator, a temperature regulator and bowl of water.

But that is the history. What does the future hold in store for caves. Here is a piece of work by Mexican artist Alan Ruiz titled "Cave".

I think the shapes on the floor represent cheese. Hmmmm. Ponder this with another famous Cave lilting in the background.

Friday, 26 February 2010

Day eightyeight.....

Two Fat Ladies

Well as its day 88, I conjured up the image of 2 fat ladies, 88. Today obesity is rife. Kids are dying, doors being widened, cranes to take people to hospital. It is getting out of hand. Many people are blaming high fat foods, snacks etc. And of course with cheese being a high fat food they are scaremongering people into not eating it. But it is not the blame of the foods or the food industry, subliminal advertising, showing food everywhere as delicious as ever. But look at the fat. A good size helping of cheese, say 40g, which is ample for a huge sandwich contains 14g of fat and consider that the GDA for women is 70g and men 95g how can this lead to obesity. Don't blame the food.

Leave it alone. Blame it on the subject of this next song...

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Day eightyseven...

I'm Tired And I Want To Go To Bed

There is a new breed. The wine ponce. We are the age of the binge drinkers. Not only the students and adolescents, but our older peers too. Alcohol is cheaper and easier to acquire and in the case of the sweet alcopop drink too. But its not all consumption, one of the newest and fasted growing hobbies is wine tasting. People are now signing up to sample wines and pick up the complex flavours and notes they taste. And there are experts who will tell you what food goes best with the wine etc etc etc. Call me a sceptic but phaa! And now these experts are telling us what wine matches cheese. We are fools to take their advice. Many cheese boards will contain up to 6 different cheeses. So that would mean 6 different wines. Maybe they are on to something... But I will not be bought. Enjoy cheese with whatever tipple you enjoy. Neither go hand in hand. Listen to the cheese. PONCE.

These two fun loving critters are cheese and milk. They are dairy products done bad. They are heavy drinkers and love a bit of violence. They are here to rid us from these ORGANISED HIPSTERS.

"Disfigurment may be trendy, but assault is eternal"

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Day eightysix.....

Oh That's The Stilton!

A Dictionary of Modern Slang, by John Camden Hotten. Not to be mixed up with Grose's "The Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue", which I have mentioned a few times on previous days. Hotten used Vulgar tongue as a reference point and it is quite the treat. Hotten was quite the bibliophile. He wrote and published many books. He wasn't the most pleasant of men and was quite often surrounded in scandal. He also owned a bookshop. Reminiscent of anyone?

But between his blackmailing and fornicating, Hotton was quite the compiler of slang. And it was in publication that many of the great cheese saying come from. "That's the cheese", "That's the Stilton", but one significant one was "cheese" referring to something being good. In today's modern world something being "cheesy" is a slight on it. But in 1863 it was seen as...

"Anything good, first rate in quality, genuine, pleasant or advantageous"

But it was the Americans who first coined the phrase the "Big cheese". It came in a piece in a New York major in 1922.

"Foley, say there, Foley, with your hair of reddish hue
And your Irish smile, begorra!
Blarneyed them into meeting you.
The big mayor of Olean fair,
You're the big cheese on the scene.
Foley, tell us, Foley, is your city song
The Wearin of the Green?"

And soon it would become something everyone despised. Here's to you, you BIG CHEESE.

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Day eightyfive.....

Guardians Of The Cheese

In a land a long time ago the accent rulers gaurded the secret to eternal youth, beauty and spritiual fulfillment. The world was a diffent place to what we know now.

But can you freeze cheese? There are many thoughts on this topic. Many cheese freeze better than others. The harder the cheese the better. For example if you find a fresh piece of Reggiano buy several large portions cut from the main block. Then you can freeze it, and grate or shred it straight from frozen onto your soup, pasta toast and it will melt on contact. Beautiful.

As time passed and the land thawed out the legend of the precious cheese began to spread around the land. Prospectors came from far and wide to proclaim the cheese as their own. But the new fortress was to strong and the elders wiser than ever.

But it wont be too long before the cheese is acquired by an evil force. Time to call in the police.

Monday, 22 February 2010

Day eightyfour.....

Alone We Stand, Alone We Fall

"Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better"

The words of Black Flag lead, Henry Rollins. And words that this one man with only cheese as his counterpart can understand well. This is not saying I shun away from society. Only a lonely man could truly enjoy a beer, some cheese and black flag in a luxuriously warm bath in an unluxoriously cold house. I stumbled upon this poem by Dan Anderson whilst drying from bathing.

"The Lonely Cheese
I'm a lonely piece of Gouda
the last one on the plate
I arrived with many others but
the others you have ate

I'm a lonely piece of Gouda and
I'm begging to you please
eat me up, don't let me waste
I'm a tasty chunk'a'cheese

Yes I'm a semi-soft Gouda
and not some spreadable slacker
and I hope you eat me soon Sir,
before you finish the final cracker"

It made me realise how selfish I have become. In the 84 days it has been about me. What cheese I found, what cheese I ate, what cheese I manipulated to fit this very loose narrative. I forgot about the one I loved, what was going through the mind of the cheese.

Ohhh the tragedy.

"And she cannot tolerate my lactose."

A tear fell, followed by several more. Had this been written in days of yore a inky puddle would have appeared, a word smudged to show my emotion, but alas the tears fall onto the keyboard. Only the customer service desk at PC world will share my pain, and exasperate it by charging me to fix the salted keys. We are all truly here on our own...

Sunday, 21 February 2010

Day eightythree...


What is makes cheese vegetarian?

"Well is kinda doesn't have the rennet in it. Depends whether there has been, um, if there has been an animal process in it. Animal fats or something in there, and if you get a vegetarian cheese it doesn't have any of that in it at all. So the rennet, sometimes they wrap it in these sort of cheeses from European type cheeses they can wrap it in a bit of rennet to intensify the flavour"

Well don't believe everything you see on TV. This was Ainsley Harriott's attempt to describe rennet. What's wrong with just saying, I'm not certain...

Fast forward to 4:00 for a beautiful explanation.

This may seem a bit smug. But I don't mean to be. I'm not making light of his lack of knowledge but I don't see why he has to lie. It isn't vitally important but he is so brash about it he must be outed. Mmmmm I love that rennet wrapped cheese.

That is an exaggeration. Rennet is actually just a group of enzymes that are naturally produced in a cows (or any other mammalians) stomach. It is used to separate (coagulate) cheese into curds and whey. This is why it isn't vegetarian. It is extracted from young calves that are being breed for their veal.

Sorry if this has put you off your cheese and pickle sandwich grinding in your mouth. However most widely produced cheese these days is produced using a genetically engineered rennet. Produced by the fungus of the aspergillus niger.

But why did we delve straight to the stomach of the cow?

"As when fig-juice is added to white milk and rapidly coagulates the liquid,
and the milk curdles as it is stirred, so speedy was his healing of raging Ares."

This passage is from Homers epic Greek poem The Iliad. Of course this was written in the 8th or 9th century so why not make cheese this way. Then instead of the above nauseating stomachs above, we would have a similar but not as gruesome object hanging...

Day eightytwo....

Norn Iron

Northern Ireland. Homeland of 1.7million people. A football team lying 40th in the FIFA World Rankings. History of failed ship making. Maker of cheese. It makes sense. Although this has not always been the case. Most of the fine cattle in Northern Ireland is used for beef. We love it. But now a few of the big creameries are producing cheese and lots of it.

Some people could argue that this should fall into cheesart, but unless the sculptures are purposely abstract that shan't be the case. Maybe I am being short sighted and like surrealist Rene Magritte's 1923 Self-Portrait, the above sculptures follow his example.

But God loves a trier....

Friday, 19 February 2010

Day eightyone...

Since My Baby Left Me

I have talked a lot on this blog about the new art movement of the 21st century. Cheesart. Many of the current cheeartists may not be appreciated in their time but they do this not for the money. They do it not for the glory. They do it for their love of cheese. And now its time for another future cheesart classic. Rather than the classic sculptures it has now developed to the collage.

This piece has been made using cheese puffs. This is a snack invented by the US of A in the 1930s. They are puffed corn snacks that have a cheese mixture inside and coated in a cheese powder on the inside. Beautiful stuff. Who thought such primitive tools could produce such a beautiful body of work. "O great creator of being grant us one more hour to perform our art and perfect our lives"

These the words of another great artist. In day 54 his words are used in a cheese advert so his affiliation is strong. I wonder what he would think of cheesart if the great man was still with us...

Thursday, 18 February 2010

Day eighty....

Those Tired Eyes Behind That Grinning Smile

"She'll come, she'll go. She'll lay belief on you"

A fictional smile. I feel this song is about love. Loving a woman when you know she'll just use you. And what's wrong with that. The smile of the Cheshire Cat. The Cheshire Cat's smile is the smile of a trickster. The mentioning of the Cheshire Cat is popular culture dates back to a book I mentioned in day 17, "The Dictionary of The Vulgar Tongue".

"CHESHIRE CAT. He grins like a Cheshire cat;
said of any one who shows his teeth and gums in laughing."

This was a slang term used by many people of the region. Many believe it is derived from the cat-like gargoyles on the 12th and 13th century buildings around the Cheshire villages. But the Cheshire Cat was immortalised in Alice and Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.

Carroll was influenced heavily by tales of Cheshire cheese being mad in cat shaped molds. You would begin eating the cheese at the tale and the last bit to be eaten was the smile of the cat.

"Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin," thought Alice; "but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in all my life!"

Cheshire cheese is the oldest named English cheese and can even be found in the doomsday book of 1086.

It is a salty crumbly cheese, which makes sense as Cheshire is long linked with salt production. 6,500 tonnes of it is sold around the UK today making it the choosy cheese choosers choice.

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Day seventynine....

Say Cheese

If for any reason this blog gets bought by a big TV executive and made into a 1980s sitcom my only request is that this is used as the opening sequence.

However not only is this a delightful snippet of years gone by, it raises a good question. Why do we say cheese before getting our souls stolen, I mean our pictures taken. Well nobody knows exactly where its came about from, but it is thought when smiling for portraits became fashionable in the 20th century, the studios and photographers needed assistance to help their subjects smile. Also with the improvement of dental health and Kodak developing a cheap camera that many families could use everyone was dying for that perfect smile.

When you elongate the word cheese out the corners of you mouth raise, your cheeks lift and you sneak out a bit of denture, the perfect smile. But why not disease, or trees or fleas? Nobody knows. But again it is changing, in some London studios instead of saying "cheese" the subjects are asked to say "prunes" to give them a tight lipped pout, making them look like they have got some attitude.

So now as you know its not vital to say cheese why not the next time some one is taking for photo be more adventurous with your smile word. If your getting you photo taken in jail maybe try "escapees". Or maybe asthmatics could go "wheeze", like they usually do. Or maybe if you are being sent back to your own country lighten the mood of your photo by yelling "deportees". Weather men could holla "light breeze". Perhaps you are a pirate and just enjoying your latest raid why not but on that bling and pose for a photo and proclaim "freedom of the seas". Any more?

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Day seventyeight....

Happy Pancake Day

"Well its 'Happy Pancake Day'
All Across the western world,
See me and my girl,
Kissing in the kitchen,
Kissing in the kitchen,
Kissing by the stove,
Push me up against the fridge girl,
I can't stand to eat alone.
So now I'm hungry, now I'm thirsty,
Now I'm craving just a little more.
Pile my plate up to the ceiling,
Kissing in the kitchen.
I can't stand to eat alone,
I can't stand to eat alone,
I can't stand to eat alone,
I can't stand to eat alone."

Yes it's pancake tuesday. And the above words are from the genius of David Tattersall from one of the greatest and underrated bands about, The Wave Pictures.

But whilst we are all going on about eating pancakes people forget that it is the dawn of lent. This is a period of roughly 40 days in which Christians prepare for Holy Week. Mostly people now just link it to giving up something for 40 days and nights. I was considing giving up cheese but after reading this I feel it is too dangerous to go cold turkey.

"Food triggers “pleasure” chemicals

Scientists have identified that pleasurable sensations stimulated by food share common pathways in our brains to those triggered by drugs. For example, there are similarities in the way we release the “pleasure” chemical dopamine at the thought of a food we love to the way an addict's brain reacts when he or she thinks of his or her drug of choice."

Drug of choice, surely that contradicts with the fact its the "addict's" brain, as they are addicted they have no choice? Here are some choices....

"Drugs are for mugs, Whilst dont forget to refuse the booze, Stay in school."

Monday, 15 February 2010

Day seventyseven....


"Voyeur Sex Games Spread On Chat Site"

This was the headline ran by the Observer about a new website that has taken the Internet by storm. The website in question goes by the name Chatroulette. In case you are unawares, Chatroulette is a website which randomly links you with other strangers from around the world via a webcam chat. It is completely random and by the press of a button you can cut to another stranger. But whilst the newspapers will always concentrate on the negative, this is an amazing website. You can be linked to a hotel in downtown Tokyo or a farm in Peru, although you do have to view more willies than you thought you would ever see in your lifetime let alone 10minutes. That aside it can lead to great discoveries. I was talking to 2 Turkish fellas and low and behold they were eating cheese and they gave me a run down of the best Turkish cheese.

They're favourite cheese was Eski Kaşar. The Turks learned about the making of this cheese when they settled in Anatolia. It is a sheep milk cheese. Eski translates roughly into old and the reason it is called old is that the cheese is aged in an icehouse for 6months. If it is made with 100% sheeps milk it will keep for up to 3 years.

They then asked for my view on Turkish cheese. I went on to explain how that the shop I work in sells 100s of cheeses from many different locations. USA, Norway, Greece, Cyprus among the most obscure but not Turkey. But I passed on what knowledge of Turkey cheese that I had.

It wasn't long before i was F9ed and a picture of a not to impressive member was on my screen yet again. They say life is about the small moments....

Sunday, 14 February 2010

Day seventysix....

Love Is In The Air

St. Valentines day is upon us. A time to celebrate with your lover or commiserate with your friends. But where has this tradition of romance spurned from. Why are we compelled to buy flowers, chocolates to appease our partners. People believe it came with Chaucer's poem "A Parlament of Foules" in which he wrote.

"For this was on seynt Volantynys day,
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make"
"For this was Saint Valentine's Day,
When every bird cometh there to choose his mate"

So from that point on we were doomed. The consumerist had won. But on the plus side, many beautiful romantic poems were created. My favourite is "Say Cheese" by Patrick Winstanley.

"Gorgonzola, Cambozola, Happy snappers, Sandwich wrappers.
Parmesan, Vacherin, Week old socks, Smelly cocks.
All these, Say cheese"

Beautiful, it brings tears to ones eyes. Cheese has often been linked to romance and in this advertisement for Amul cheese slices, it shows that courage and cheese slices can lead to great romantic feats.

So for all you lonely hearts out there grab a cheese slice and take that gamble....

Saturday, 13 February 2010

Day seventyfive....

Saturday Night

It's the weekend. Time to get on the dancing shoes. Get that fresh from the wash, crisp Ben Sherman shirt on your back. A couple of splashes of Old Navy and you are set. Off for a dance into the hippest cosmopolitan bar you can find.

But yes as this animation shows, there are hidden pit falls. This story represents the modern youths of today Saturday night out. Everyone goes out with starry eyed optimism. Maybe they'll meet the one they love, maybe they just have a good time. They dance the night away and then overcome the dangers and finally they are about to take that girl home then....

So stay in and listen to other peoples japes instead...

Friday, 12 February 2010

Day seventyfour...

What You Looking At?

In every aspect of modern life their is fear. The media breeds it. Everything gives you cancer, the world is getting hotter, and cheese is getting tougher. Turophobia is rife. That is the fear of cheese. I am more a turophilliac. Even so in 2007 the government set up the Cheese Enforcement Agency, the CEA if you will. This website breaks the cheese down into different classes and helps us identify what cheeses we can or cannot own, eat or trade.

Some of the legal jargon on this site can be quite tough to understand so here is a hand chart you can stick up on your wall.

For some reason the tough cheeses are depicted by a lumberjack, but is the lumberjack really the vision of the tough man?

But please take note do not be afraid. How to deal with fear? Laugh at it. Today's post has been in the vein of Orange Juice song "Poor Old Soul part2". Thank you and goodnight.

"His tongue tucked firmly in his cheek"

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Day seventythree....

Bang Bang He Shot Me Down

"I was blown up whilst we were eating cheese."

This quote is taken from Ernest Hemingway's semi-autobiographical novel A Farewell To Arms. It is the main character, Fredrick Henry's, response to an orderly in the hospital asking what heroic act he had committed to result in him being sent to hospital. But Henry is more humble and would rather be honest and say he was enjoying cheese than to make up an heroic act. But he is truly the hero as he goes looking for others wounded.

"I was after him, holding the cheese, its smooth surface covered with brick dust.”

Beautiful stuff. It is a very tragic book, but at the same time it is very sensual, as Hemingway seems to connect near death experience, with the characters appreciations of the finer things in life, such as wine and cheese.

But enough beauty. I should be concentrating on the explosions, the heroism, the edge of your seat stuff. This isn't WW1 now. How do we juxtapose such things these days?

That right we buy the naming rights of a demolition of an American football stadium. Texas Stadium to be precise. Not only are they sponsoring the demolition, they are running a competition to who can press the button.

Some may see this as crass advertising. But we are not elitist and cynical here. Embrace it. What a perfect combination. Releasing a cheese aptly named "cheddar explosion" then buying the rights to a high profile demolition. This is modern day Hemingway writing but in real life. We should be celebrating a company that has developed from this....

To the second largest food and drinks company in the world. So all you bitter Cadburys supporters, do not fret about your new owners. Its time to look to the future.....

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Day seventytwo....

Tiviski Into Action

What do you envisage when you think of the northern African country of Mauritania? The beautiful Moorish music. Music made by the ethnic group the Moors not music that you want more of.

But that's not what I am looking for. Fat women? Well yes it is famous for its portly ladies as they see obesity as a sign of wealth and therefore more attractive to the males. Men would drool at the sight of stretch marks and fat ankles. They even have "fat farms" were young girls as young as 7 are sent to fatten up. But it is now losing this quirk as it is seen as old fashioned and now only 11% of young girls are force fed. But that's not what I am here to discuss.

One of the foods used to plump up the Mauritanian mistresses was camel milk. It has a very high fat content. And well where there is milk, cheese often follows.

The camel cheese is called Caravane and is a soft briesque cheese that has an 'animal' taste. Some liken it to goats cheese, but those are the people who liken every meat to chicken. It was invented by a Miss Nancy Abeiderrahmane. She started a dairy in 1989 called Tiviski and the nomads would bring their camels to her for milking. However quite often her supply would be greater than the demand and she went about looking for other ways to preserve excess milk. This is quite similar reasoning to how sheep and goats milk cheese evolved. Unfortunately camels milk doesn't have the proteins need to curdle the milk. This did not stop Nancy and she found a Frenchman who discovered an enzyme that helped the curdling and in 1994 the first camel cheese was produced.

A lovely tale that conjures up images of a bygone world. A nomadic existence. Moving on from place to place unable to settle. Like the scene of Lawrence of Arabia, dust, sand, camels, and beautiful young crews.

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Day seventyone...

Cheesart (Part Duex)

This is one of Vincent van Gogh final paintings. A Dutch post-expressionist painter from Zundert. A troubled man, he struggled for most of his life with mental illness and anxiety and his art was never appreciated until years after his early death at the age of 37. I can only feel sorry for his empty life, his painting never enjoyed and neither was one of his most excellent works. His use of light perfect, choice of subject immaculate and of course it tastes great...

This is part of a group of cheeses being produced by K. H. DeJong Cheese. Including other Dutch masters such as Rembrandt and Mondrian.

But all this publicity screams of desperation and uncoolness from these flailing artists. None were as cool as Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso. Or as his close friends would tend to call him Pablo Picasso. He made them look like assholes....

"Some people try to pick up girls and get called assholes. This never happened to Pablo Picasso."

Monday, 8 February 2010

Day seventy.....

Superbowl Sunday

"If its the ultimate game, how come they are playing it again next year?"

Duane Thomas. Running back for the Dallas Cowboys in the early 70s. He won the Super Bowl that year and 39 years after the ultimate game it is still running. Last night saw the New Orleans Saints beat the Indianapolis Colts 31-17, in the glorious surrounding of the Sun Life Stadium Miami.

A magnificent feat of human construction. But its just not mouth watering enough for me.

A stadium fit for a clash of the titans. The only stadium in which the cheap seats are in fact the better. Mmmmm a cheese slice trim. The only other cheese that I would consider to park my touche down upon would be....

Sunday, 7 February 2010

Day sixtynine....

J'aime le fromage

Sex sells. Nothing startling about that comment. It has done so since the dawn of advertising. And many a time it has been the catalyst for a sales boom. For instance W. Duke and Sons inserted risque playing cards into packs of cigarettes in 1885 and by 1890 they were the leading cigarette brand.

Look at those beauties. Bada bing. If the nicotine didn't bring you back for more those pictured harlequins would have you counting your nickles and dimes on the counter. So 120years on from those primitive advertising techniques how are our modern ad men promoting new brands? Years of education and research, looking at brand centric measures to push their products. Public relations and psychological profiles help the retailers find out what their consumers want. Lets see these new techniques in action.

Nothing ever changes. With names such as Roxane Cantale, Adele Pont L'eveque, Juliette Comte, Geraldine Gruyere and Barbara Munster these lovely ladies are the cheese lovers equivalent of Keeley Hazel and Lucy Pinder. Roll up, roll up get your back issues here.

Who needs a 2008 calender? Such a sexy calender, French with a twist of the American, its making me feel all loved up. Je T'aime.

Saturday, 6 February 2010

Day sixtyeight.....


"I'm bored. I'm the chairman of the board."

We are the media generation. Ipods, wireless Internet, digital television and electronic notepads, now we shall never be bored ever again. The average person watches 4hrs of TV a day. But who does that survey? I have never been asked. Have you? Be suspicious. With shows like "How to Look 400 Years Younger", "Pervs Fashion Fix" and "Sob Stories with Singing" our Saturday nights will forever be a roller coaster experience. Want something a bit more soothing? Well flick on

A 12 month maturation of a West Country Farmhouse Cheddar. They've done it again. They were the company who sent the cheese to space, now trying to celebritise it again. Who do they think they are, an ex Brit pop bassist, turned failed opera singer? Me, I think its about as exciting as watching paint dry.... EXTREME PAINT DRYING

Friday, 5 February 2010

Day sixtyseven....

Rome Wasn't Built In A Day

Rome wasn't built in a day. In fact as we see buildings rise and fall from the Roma skyline, you could argue that Rome still has not been built. But is any city ever complete? If a city stops building then already it is seen as moving backwards. Even the city of Bath with its rigid building control, only allowing buildings to be built in limestone, keeps springing up new surprises all the time. The original phrase originates from an old French proverb which features in the 1190 best seller 'Li Proverbe Au Vilan'.

It was then translated into English by Richard Taverner. Most famous for his bible translations. But while being one of the more widely read translations, I think it pales next to Scott Walkers translations of a Jacque Brel song, Mathilde.

But that was the French waxing lyrical about the improbability of completing a task that is too big to be accomplished quickly. Here in the these isles we call Great Britain and Northern Ireland we like to do things a lot quicker. Well most things as long as its not a petty matter. So although Rome might not have been built in a day, Cardiff was....

Shortly after he then made chippy lane, the Bay and Cowbridge Road. Rhufain was mo adeiladedig mewn ddiwrnod. Arddun, arddun, ARDDUN!

Thursday, 4 February 2010

Day sixtysix....

Space Man

Space. A vast vacuum of infinite size. It has been a mystery to man for aeons. Is there life out there. Ever since NASA was founded back in July 1958 it has had government funding of a total of $416 billion. There have been monkeys, dogs, salmonella, sea urchins and even Scotty from Star Trek ashes have all been sent into space. But now its time for the final frontier.

"The Earth is the cradle of humanity, but mankind cannot stay in the cradle forever."

And it is the same for cheese. But people experimenting really should think these ideas through.

Back on day 2 I talked about half a tonne of cheese being dropped to the bottom of the sea to mature. It was lost and never seen again. And now this is the latest cheese to travel miles and never return. But I have another theory.

But alas 24hrs later the cheese was recovered. The cheddarnaut had been handed into the police after coming down in someones garden. A gift from the Gods.

I'm sure this was the soundtrack ringing around when that small block of mature cheddar from the West Country Cheesemakers began to rise. The troposphere, the stratosphere, the mesophere, the thermosphere, that cheese was out of here. Beautiful, beautiful BEAUTIFUL.

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Day sixtyfive.....

The Kids

This is the kind of things that pop into my head when people start mentioning children to me. So I find it strange that I have something in common with these ankle biters. Our wonderment for not only eating cheese but the making of it.

Like a young Tom Ferguson from western Cork this youngster is destined for the stars. Cheese made for children is designed to be playful and juvenile which is understandable. But for some reason a lot of the cheese is processed and dummed down, such as these.

Mmmmmmm, imitation pasteurized process cheese food. Yum yum. That's enough to drool a pint. But why must we process the cheese for them. They drink full fat milk. Cheese is seen as a complete nutritional food. With calcium and protein key for a child's growth. In Italy a raw milk Parmigiano Reggiano is the first solid that passes a new born baby's mouth, and is used to help children with colic. They are taking our children away...

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Day sixtyfour....

The American Dream

February 2nd. The 2nd day of February. February is now 2 days old. Only 26days until March. The 33rd day of 2010. Groundhog day. Nothing smells more like a central American apple pie on a windowsill than Groundhog day.

It is a sign of spring. If the groundhog emerges from his burrow and doesn't retreat back inside then low and behold spring will have sprung. However if he retreats away from the harsh winter ways then we will have to wait another 6weeks until we can start our spring cleaning. But can we truly leave the changing of seasons to this?

But believe it or not these creatures are now key into teaching people about diabetes and obesity.

But I think this guy has said "To hell with you blood sugar levels" and thrown away the worries of his life and turned to the can.

Easy cheese. Because slicing a block eats into precious time. There are stocks to buy, the true America to find, presidents to emboss onto cheese.

Is there such a thing now as the American dream. Throughout the 70s Hunter S. Thompson was in search of the death of the American dream, but to me Of Mice and Men sums up the ever illusive dream. Lenny's words so simple but frustratingly not so.

"We could live offa the fatta the lan'."

Monday, 1 February 2010

Day sixtythree.....

The Death of A Cheeseman

"I am not a dime a dozen! I am Willy Lowman, and you are Biff Lowman."

This is old man Lowman and his delusion of grandeur from the play Death of a Salesman by the above pictured Arthur Miller. Willy Lowman couldn't come to terms with the fact that all his years of hard work, flights, meeting, appointments have came to nothing. He thought that by being nice he could get somewhere in life, and that he was teaching his kids the right morals, but it all falls to pieces on him. A tragic story. He should have maybe acknowledged he was wrong and he could no longer have what he loved and to commemorate this maybe with a tattoo? Like this guy...

This is Kyle Divine getting a divine tattoo of cheese. An accident at work left him with a 19 inch section of small intestine removed and this caused him to become lactose intolerant. I think there may have been a bit more damage done than meets the eye. He is a member of band Dusty Rhodes and the Riverband. So as a memorial to him on, this is a song by the fitting title of Street Fighter. Say goodbye to the celtic tattoo, goodbye to the tribal tattoo, goodbye to the biker tattoo, because 2010 is going to be the decade of the cheese tattoo...